As I have gone through life I have always wonder if I was good enough for someone? But I have now came to think maybe I never thought that I was good enough for anyone because I don't think I'm good enough for myself... I haven't ever really thought about it until now but I think it's true.
I've always have found myself jealous of girls who are pretty and fit. And when I have thought I've looked ok I've always had to fish for comments from people just to feel good. I have also started to see I'm a control freak towards my bf.. Honestly what am I becoming?? This isn't me, I need to change. I need to become the girl who is good enough for herself. I need to stop thinking everyone is so perfect and that I'm just some loser. Just because I have children does not mean my life has to stop. I need to set time out of each day for myself so that I can think of myself better. I know I can do better and will do better, but it's all about the start and staying on track.
My family
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Life after being pregnant...
Other than it being so very hot outside which I hate I'm still not so happy. Don't get me wrong I love my little family so much. I just am having a hard time with two babies. Faith is so beautiful and I love her with all my heart, but she never wants mommy to put her down. Adrianna now throws such big fits that by the end of the day I always have a headache because of both of them, plus just normal stress I have about bills and things.
I have finally decided though what I want to do with my life. Only took me what feels like forever. I want to go to beauty school and get my degree there. Then I want to be able to open up my own salon one day. I'm super excited about it all. There are two school close to me to pick from. One is within walking distant, the other I would have to drive to but if I go full time I could be done in 11 month and know so much more stuff then the closer school. Sure it costs a little more but at the other school if I wanted to learn more I would have to go first there for 12 months then go to another school for 9 months, which in the end would cost me more time and money than going to the first school. I've honestly never been so excited in my whole life about going to school and doing something im very sure I'll love. So this next week I'm calling both school and setting up days to go talk to them. I don't want to start till the fall though, I want to spend the rest of my summer with my babies and try to find a babysitting for the days I have to be at school and branden has to be at work. There is only one problem I'm afraid of, I looked into getting a grant for it and the grant said I missed the deadline. But still gives me the option to fill it out and apply so I will have to talk with the schools on that part. Still very very excited but nervous too.
My whole life I feel like I've been trying to please everyone, my parents, and friends. That has never gotten me anywhere in life. I mean if you look at my life now you would see that. I try to please my parents when it comes to being with Branden. Ha like that will ever happen, they already made up their mind about him long ago. Him and I have been almost together for a year( longest relationship I've ever had). We plan to get married here soon enough. He asked my dad like a gentleman and my dad said no. I feel my dad will never approve of him or anyone. I'm not going to let that stop me. I'll get married when Branden and I feel it's best and of course all my family will be invited. It's up to them if they come. I'm done trying to please everyone. It's my turn and if people don't like it then that sucks for them.
I have finally decided though what I want to do with my life. Only took me what feels like forever. I want to go to beauty school and get my degree there. Then I want to be able to open up my own salon one day. I'm super excited about it all. There are two school close to me to pick from. One is within walking distant, the other I would have to drive to but if I go full time I could be done in 11 month and know so much more stuff then the closer school. Sure it costs a little more but at the other school if I wanted to learn more I would have to go first there for 12 months then go to another school for 9 months, which in the end would cost me more time and money than going to the first school. I've honestly never been so excited in my whole life about going to school and doing something im very sure I'll love. So this next week I'm calling both school and setting up days to go talk to them. I don't want to start till the fall though, I want to spend the rest of my summer with my babies and try to find a babysitting for the days I have to be at school and branden has to be at work. There is only one problem I'm afraid of, I looked into getting a grant for it and the grant said I missed the deadline. But still gives me the option to fill it out and apply so I will have to talk with the schools on that part. Still very very excited but nervous too.
My whole life I feel like I've been trying to please everyone, my parents, and friends. That has never gotten me anywhere in life. I mean if you look at my life now you would see that. I try to please my parents when it comes to being with Branden. Ha like that will ever happen, they already made up their mind about him long ago. Him and I have been almost together for a year( longest relationship I've ever had). We plan to get married here soon enough. He asked my dad like a gentleman and my dad said no. I feel my dad will never approve of him or anyone. I'm not going to let that stop me. I'll get married when Branden and I feel it's best and of course all my family will be invited. It's up to them if they come. I'm done trying to please everyone. It's my turn and if people don't like it then that sucks for them.
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